“We overcome the enemy by the power of our testimony”
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There are so many layers to my life story, I am always led by God as to what element He wishes for me to share. Being able to share my story and recovery with you has been a blessing in itself, and I really hope that you will be blessed by my openness around certain subjects.
Right now, I’m led to give you a small snippet of healing from unhealthy relationships and behaviors that led to severe depression, lack of self-worth and complete hopelessness.
Rejected, abandoned, lonely, useless, unlovable, soul-ties, cycles of negativity, manipulation, vulnerability, used, ashamed, not good enough, stupid, soft, all but a few of the words that come to mind when I look back on my life 7 years ago, and how I viewed myself.
I was a baby Christian just nearly born again, still entangled in a worldly relationship where I was manipulated and abused emotionally, mentally and sexually. I was so broken, that I had lost myself and would have done anything to keep this relationship going even though it broke me into tiny pieces, and I was but a shadow of my former self.
Eventually God brought everything to an end for everyone involved, and while this was painful, amid heartbreak, sin and depression, completely flat on my face with nowhere to go, was where I really met Jesus and experienced His love for me, His grace and mercy.
It was at this point I let Jesus into my life FOR REAL, not just partly in. I am talking access to all areas-fully surrendered my heart, soul and mind to Him and Him only, really building my relationship with Him-not just believing that there was a God, but actually knowing Him, understanding Him, learning and believing every word God had said about me.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Listen, we can all end up in some crazy “how on earth did I even get here” type of situations which cut us deeply, leaving us to deal with the mental and emotional impact that the situation or event has left us with.
However, WE ARE NOT what we went through or what we did, or what others say we are. It is so important to focus on how we heal, grow and learn from these experiences that will shape the rest of our lives going forward.
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
“Pains to Gains”
And that, ladies is the Essence of Life!! Allowing God to use our experiences, events and situations for us to grow and become the beautiful people God created us to be! God used my pain to start Life Essence Ministry (lifeessence.uk), helping other women who have gone through abuse and trauma, providing a safe space and opportunity to work through trauma and realign with the truths of how God views them and who He created them to be. (lifeessencehousing.com)
“The Healing Process”
Healing from feelings such as Rejection, Loss, Fear, Desperation takes a lot of work but guess what? The good news ladies are that FEELINGS ARE TEMPORARY!!!
Learning how to accept and sit with these feelings and thoughts that you are experiencing, is not easy and it’s painful because the truth can sometimes be very unpleasant, hurtful and too much to bear. We can often think it is easier to ignore the pain and brush it under the carpet, hoping the thoughts and feelings will go away by themselves.
We do this by creating distractions to gain temporary highs to numb the pain and to forget being sad for all but a few hours! Some of us use partying, sex, drinking, gambling, masturbation, shopping, self-harm and taking drugs! (STERBS- short term energy releasing behaviors)
So now we are in a place where we can either choose to ignore the pain and the situations, as they sit on our shoulders. Or we can Look pain in the eye, hold its hand and start the healing process, work through the changes and learn to let go and be free to be your happy amazing self.
Deciding to get up and fight, for me, was the best choice I made because it allowed God to start his healing process. Seeking advice from GP’s, having prayer, deliverance ministry and counseling, allowed me to become my healthy self. There was a lot of reflection, determination, focus and it had to start with ME and NO-ONE ELSE!
I also had to be willing to partner with God on this, as doing it alone was too hard and near impossible! Through doing this, I have been set free and you can be set free also, invest in you and be kind to yourself and start your journey of freedom and happiness!
And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
“Whatever situation you are in now”
Do not blame yourself
Do not be ashamed
Do start talking
Do seek support both spiritually and professionally
Do remember you are loved
If you would like more information on how you can get support via our courses or groups, please contact
“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).