A massive thank you to Hazel who meet with me to share her truth of addiction and recovery with us, Hazel shares her darkest moments when she was addicted to alcohol.
Find out how Jesus was her road to recovery by reading her blog and listening to her story
I’ve been through a tough time lately, somehow sensing my need my pastor sent me a message last night asking me if I wanted prayer? I pondered his message for over half an hour, stuck, my thoughts jumbled.. my emotions starting to rise. Slowly I typed the words as the tears started to fall…. ‘I’m a mess.. I have been in a battle..I’m hurt… I have many scars please pray for my healing’
It’s the following day I’m sitting here again trying to write this blog. I’m asking God what he wants me to write. ‘Here we go again I think… here comes the block.. I can’t hear God.. he won’t talk to me… I have nothing left.Suddenly like a whisper the words come ‘Battle Scars’
By age 3 I was covered in the mental and emotional scars that come from sexual abuse, by 10 I was scarred by physical and verbal abuse and by 12 it seemed I was destined to periodically enter the care system for the remainder of my teen years… boy was I scarred!
I remember growing up, all of my peers had great clothes, seemed confident, had great families, great everything! All I was great at was pretending. I would tell lies about my life, make things up, pretend I had this fairy-tale life to fit in, pretend family, pretend boyfriends, when in reality i felt like I was trapped in a nightmare of loneliness, shame and isolation.
By my teens I was scarred to such an extent that I was crippled with explainable anxiety, low self worth and depression. I was unable to go out socially, talk in groups, have a healthy relationship with anyone of the opposite sex or even hold down a job or college.
I needed a solution I had to find a solution!
I remember my first taste of alcohol. It went down so smoothly, it was so warm, all my fears, all the anxiety, the memories melted away I was finally free…or so I thought!
Romans 7:15-20 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
Over the following years I found myself under the control of an addictive force that no amount of rehab, promises, medication, or any intervention was able to control. At deaths door with no hope, no job, a child in the care system and my life in tatters I made a decision to ask a God who I knew nothing about for help. And this God full of love, mercy and grace came through like nothing else could.
My life’s been a roller-coaster journey since then. Full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Way to much to fit into a podcast and a short blog! However I pray this snippet of my life is an encouragement to you, that you realise your not alone, and that you realise it’s ok to NOT be OK.
May God bless you and heal those battle scars.
Isaiah 53:4-5 But the fact is, it was our pains he carried – our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him – our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed (MSG).
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (NIV)
If you would like to contact Hazel via Email firstname.lastname@example.org
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